Woman sitting on a hospital bed waiting to be tested for the BRCA gene and associated cancer risk

BRCA and the Next Generation: What If My Daughter Wants Children One Day?

July 23, 2025•4 min read

There’s a photo I often come back to.

My mum, bald from chemo, sitting on the floor in front of my daughter’s toy kitchen. She’s pretending to make tea while my toddler clatters about next to her. My daughter was just over one at the time.

She doesn’t remember it. But I do.

I remember everything.

The way Mum was already so unwell. The heaviness of knowing cancer was shaping our story, again. And how surreal it felt—this tiny, innocent child playing next to something she couldn’t possibly understand.

Now that same little girl is nearly 21.

And I find myself wondering:

What happens if she wants children one day?

What happens if she carries this gene too?

What if it all repeats?

She Was 14 When I Had My Surgeries

Old enough to understand something was going on.

Young enough to not really grasp the emotional weight of it.

I role-modelled strength, probably a bit too well. I made it look like something you just got on with—no drama, just decisions. That was survival for me at the time. But now I sometimes wonder if it made things seem easier than they really were.

Fast-forward to now: I talk about BRCA all the time—at home, in my work, with friends. She's heard it all. And she’s calm. She's unbothered. She's not rushing to test.

And honestly? I get it.

But Quietly… I Worry

Not because she’s doing anything wrong.

Not because she should test right now.

But because I’ve seen how fast things can change.

And if she ever does want children, the question of the gene will rise up—loudly and suddenly—and I don’t want her to feel alone in that.

She doesn’t remember my mum being ill. She can’t fully remember what I went through either—not the physical stuff, the drains, the hormones, the anxiety. She saw what I let her see. I carried the weight quietly, because that’s what mums do, isn’t it?

But now I carry this new kind of quiet weight: the wait. The “will she want to know?” The “should I bring it up again?” The “what if it’s too late?”

What Experts Say—and Why I Find That Reassuring

Genetic counsellors suggest our job is to make sure our children know they have the option—but let them choose when, or if, to take it.

They may not feel urgency yet—and that’s OK. Many people only begin thinking seriously about their BRCA status when planning a family.

Even if they don’t ask questions, they notice how we talk about these things. You might be planting seeds now that don’t bloom for years—but they’ll remember you made space.

Why I Still Talk About the Science

I talk about how far the science has come because it genuinely helps.

There’s more choice now

freezing eggs,
screening embryos,
risk-reducing treatments,
More science—targeted therapies and
new screening methods.
More support—genetic counselling, emotional guidance, community.

Maybe her calmness isn’t avoidance. Maybe it’s quiet confidence. Maybe she trusts that by the time she needs to act, she’ll have everything she needs.

To the Parent Who’s Waiting Too

You’re not silly for worrying.

You’re not wrong for wanting to know.

You’re definitely not alone.

There’s no single 'right' way to have this conversation.

You can’t make your child care before they’re ready. But you can make sure they never feel ashamed, afraid, or behind when they finally are.

You’re allowed to feel the grief and the hope at the same time. You’re allowed to carry the questions for a while.

You’re allowed to wish you had a crystal ball—and still trust that whatever happens, they’ll be OK.

Until then - on the next page, I have included some links for you that might just help you with your personal journey with your older children.

BRCA and the Next Generation: What If My Daughter Wants Children One Day?

What Experts Say—and Why I Find That Reassuring

To the Parent Who’s Waiting Too

Further Reading and Support